


However Long Forever May Be

by it_was_like_slow_motion



Category: ER
Genre: F/M, Fluff, au ish thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 20:11:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/969809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/it_was_like_slow_motion/pseuds/it_was_like_slow_motion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Last night she heard her heartbeat in her ears, and she could've sworn it was his footsteps on her stairs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	However Long Forever May Be

_last night i heard my own heart beating_

_sounded like footsteps on my stairs_

She could hear it now. His slowly, slightly unsteady footsteps as he wobbled up their staircase, gripping the railing for all he was worth, yet still refusing to accept her help. Stubborn son of a bastard. She supposed he had to be if he was going to deal with her for…well, at the time, she had thought the rest of their lives. He dealt with her up until the day he died, but she was hoping she would have to deal with his stubbornness til the end of her life, too. Hope was something that was hard for Elizabeth to come by these days, after everything that had happened to her. She really would’ve liked a dose or two more, but it was hard when her bed was empty.

 

_six months gone and i’m still reaching_

_even though I know you’re not there_

Yes, her bed was horribly empty. That didn’t mean she still didn’t reach towards his absent body when she was seeking comfort from one of her many nightmares, or a spot of warmth against the cold of her chest. She knew, all too well, that he wasn’t there, but that didn’t stop the instinctual reach for someone, anyone, anything else. She just wanted to hold him one last time, hold him close and promise him that she would never let go. She wanted him to hold her, too, like he used to, with his arms around her shoulders and their legs a mess of knees and ankles and happiness. She wasn’t a mess of happiness, though, but a mess of sad tears and angry half-goodbyes.

 

_i was playing back a thousand memories, baby_

_thinking 'bout everything we've been through_

All those angry goodbyes. Goodbyes she really, really didn’t want to say, but goodbyes that she had to say, now that he wasn’t here. So many times she had stopped him from saying goodbye, because she had honestly thought he would come out of it unscathed. She was a bloody idiot. She hated herself for believing. Everyone told her the same thing over and over – she needed to have hope for him to have hope. He would’ve died much sooner if she hadn’t been here. That didn’t help the fact that she was alone now, that after beating the impossible to get better, he had beaten the odds again, deteriorating when statistics said that was unheard of. They had gone through so much together, and yes, she was holding on to him.

 

_this is falling in love in the cruelest way,_

_this is falling for you when you are worlds away_

Yes, she was holding on to him. Even worse, she was falling even more in love with him, because she missed his little quirks when he was alive, but appreciated them so much more when he was gone. The way he would tickle the nape of her neck with her own curls, the soft press of his lips against her cheek when she got up in the morning. The way he would spoon feed her ice cream and kiss away the bits that got smeared across her lips and cheeks. She missed the way he looked at Ella like she was the most beautiful thing in the world. She even missed how he looked after Rachel, protected her when her mother refused to. She was falling even more in love with him, and he was absolutely worlds away.

 

_and time is taking its sweet time erasing you_

_and you've got your demons, and, darling, they all look like me_

It was an odd conundrum, because even as she was falling more in love with him, her mind was desperately trying to scrub out everything about him, anything that could make her heart hurt or her stomach curl in the worst way. She knew that, wherever he was, he was probably trying to do the same. Forget about the madwoman that had stolen his heart for a while; it was strange that she would be his demon, the thing that he didn’t want to see. Or at least she hoped he didn’t want to see her, didn’t want to hurt. She wasn’t sure if there was a heaven any more, but the selfish part of her wished that heaven couldn’t really be heaven, couldn’t be happy for him, if she wasn’t there.

 

_i don't wanna miss you like this,_

_come back, be here; come back, be here_

It always came to the same ultimatum, her midnight wanderings through the caverns of her head. She wanted him back. Yes, she was stronger now because she had learned how to love and lose, but did that made the losing any easier? Of course it didn’t. If it worked that way she would have been moved on already, not six months and too many broken promises away from him and still not sober from his addicting personality and goofy smile. She still dreamed of that smile.

 

_i like to keep my issues strong_

_it’s always darkest before the dawn_

She woke up from her dream with a sheen of cold sweat on her forehead and her arms desperately grabbing towards empty space. Apparently, not so empty space, because her hand hit a cheekbone with a painful sound that made her knuckles snap. She sat bolt upright, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. She can’t be living this, she can’t be waking up next to someone she doesn’t remember going to sleep next to – she hadn’t even had anything to drink! She threw her legs over the side of the bed, stumbling sideways a few steps before catching her balance on the bureau, looking at her bed with horror in her eyes.

 

_don't know how long i've been gone_

_all i know is it's been too long and i'm off track_

“Mark?” Finally she can speak and she is horribly confused, but at the same time her stomach flutters with hope. No, flutters isn’t the word – her stomach churns with the greasy sort of hope that she knew would just fade away when it wasn’t Mark, but some unknown stranger, the hope that she couldn’t help but feel even though this had happened before; only once, and they hadn’t had sex. She just needed a comforting body in the bed next to her and so what if it was John Carter? It didn’t change the fact she so desperately wanted the man in the bed to be Mark.

 

_well i hope there's someone out there_

_who can bring me back to you_

“Hi, Elizabeth.” Suddenly he’s smiling at her and she can do nothing but gape because she is one hundred percent sure the last six months of her life, her own personal hell, have not been a figment of her imagination. She knows that Mark, her Mark, the Mark standing in front of her, is not a figment of her imagination, either.

“Care to explain?” She finally chokes out, and he smiles, patting the bed beside him. She curls up next to him, and their bodies still fit together like she remembered as he put his arms around her waist and began to talk.

 

_i found god_

_on the corner of first and amistad_

“I died.” He said, and she nodded. “And there’s a heaven up there. A beautiful place, really – shining spires and so many people and everyone was so happy. And then there was me. Sad little Mark Greene, who was without his other half. Normally people get over their lost spouses, friends, et cetera, when they see the people they’ve lost earlier. They get over it when they see the endless, clean cities and everything there is to do and they’re healthy again. I was an enigma. I was walking, yesterday night, and I happened to run into the head honcho. He took one look at me and said ‘Look, kid, I know you’re not happy. But I can’t help it.’.” Mark paused. “And for a moment I accepted it. But then I looked at him and I told him ‘I will never be happy until the day Elizabeth Corday comes here, dead of old age.’ And he looked back at me and said ‘Normally they give up.’ And I said ‘I would never give up on her.’ And now…I don’t know what happened. But I’m here and I don’t have cancer and we’re alive together.”

 

_forever and ever is a very long time_

_but it will feel like nothing at all when i’m with you_

She is sure she shouldn’t believe in this, that this is a bloody miracle, but then she remembered something that her mother told her once. _The universe is big. It's vast and complicated and... ridiculous and sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles._

She would take her miracle and she would hold him tight, and she would love him forever and ever, however long that may be.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you're curious, the songs used are: If This Was a Movie - Taylor Swift (first three), Come Back, Be Here - Taylor Swift (fourth and sixth), Sad, Beautiful, Tragic - Taylor Swift (fifth), Dog Days - Florence and the Machine (seventh), Lights of My Hometown - Aaron Lines (eighth), Wherever You Will Go - The Calling (ninth), You Found Me - The Fray (tenth), Forever and Ever - Winnie the Pooh (eleventh). 
> 
> The Doctor Who quotes was a nod to Alex Kingston, as is the fact there are eleven pieces. ;)


End file.
